Major Life Update

<Story time>

 

A few of you may be familiar with some of the craziness that has been going on in my life lately. If not, you’re about to be. The prideful part of me doesn’t want to share this because it’s personal and I really hate exposing my weakness more than I have to lol, but God has extended an incredible amount of grace to me throughout this season and I feel it’s important to share some of the ways I have personally witnessed his faithfulness and mercy.

 

Sooo…

 

I’ve been experiencing some health issues over the past 6 months. It started out as a mild tiredness every now & then, but as time went on, I started noticing a bunch of other random neurological symptoms & vision problems. I kept hoping it would go away, but it just kept getting worse. At first I thought maybe it was stress related, so I did EVERYTHING in my power to start sleeping better, eating better, & exercising more. Nothing was helping. Symptoms continued to progress and at this point it was starting to interfere with my job and basically every other aspect of life.

 

Fast forward a couple months (end of August 2022)…

 

I ended up going part-time with work because I wasn’t able to physically keep up anymore. After a bunch of tests came back “normal” from multiple doctor visits, I was told I should see a neurologist for further evaluation. That was frustrating to me. I was just hoping for a “quick fix” without making it all a big deal. On top of that, I was miserable and didn’t wanna have to wait WEEKS to see a neurologist. I hated the thought of just waiting around without knowing anything….but that’s all I could do.

 

This waiting period to see the neurologist was about two weeks… but geezzz. It felt like 4 years. So much happened in that time. Symptoms progressed every day. It got to the point where I wasn’t able to sleep anymore. There were multiple times were I felt like I couldn’t even see or open my eyes. I ended up going to the ER 3 separate times. During one of those visits the doctor ordered an MRI and I was told there were multiple lesions on my brain.

 

Huhhh?

 

Those words kind of caught me off guard. I felt a little shaken and confused. I honestly didn’t even really know what I was “supposed” to be thinking at that point. But as a million thoughts raced through my head, the doctor went on to explain that the chances of it being MS or some other autoimmune disease were pretty high. I thought, “Are you kidding me?! I’m only 22. This is the LAST thing that I want to deal with right now. And like, what about the World Race? Can I even still go?” As much as I wanted to be chill about it all, I was scared and had NO idea what my future would look like moving forward. We wouldn’t know any more details till the following neurologist appointment.

 

A couple days pass and I find myself sitting on the floor in my room. It’s the night before my appointment with the neurologist. That night was rough. I honestly felt humiliated, angry, and so miserable. My job, health & self respect were pulled out from beneath me. As I was sitting there, I was thinking about all the times I embarrassingly broke down in front of my family & friends out of pure weakness. I was thinking about how my family had to drive me to ALL my doctor appointments because my eyes weren’t functioning well enough to drive myself. I was thinking about how I had to “ditch” my partner at work because I was too sick to come in anymore. Obviously I was grateful for a strong support system, but recognizing my dependence on others was a hard pill to swallow. Along with feeling pure humiliation, there were three specific fears I was trying hard to fight;

 

• That I actually DID have MS or another autoimmune disease and I would have to live with that for the rest of my life

 

• That I wouldn’t be able to go on the World Race as a result of that^^

 

• OR that the neuroligist wouldn’t find anything wrong with me and I’d be left with no answers 

 

As I sat on my floor, I just cried. I knew God was big enough to intervene in SOME way if he actually wanted to, but I honestly didn’t think he would do that for me. I mean, did I really “deserve” his mercy? No.

 

Next day (9/12/22)….

 

God literally destroyed all three fears in one afternoon. As I’m waiting in the exam room, my neurologist walks in and introduces himself. He asks me a bunch of questions, reviews my MRI, and calmly says, “I think I know what’s going on. But first, let me comfort you in saying you DON’T have MS. Your MRI looks clean. I see a few abnormalities, but they look more like concussion damage than anything & those same spots are present on your MRI from 3 years ago. There is NOTHING to be worried about.” He goes on to say, “I believe you are experiencing ocular migraines. They are actually most common in young adult females who have experienced multiple concussions or post concussion syndrome/TBI’s (like myself).” He said, “You may not believe me, but ALL your symptoms align with this diagnosis. The treatment is actually an anti seizure medication. Over the next couple weeks we’ll work you up to the full dosage and you should be feeling better in no time.”

 

Wow.

 

Yeah, that did not go the way I thought it would. LIKE AT ALL. At that point I was literally dumbfounded. As I was sitting in the exam chair, I was trying to catch my brain up to everything I just heard. It honestly didn’t even register at first. As we were getting ready to leave, I mentioned my concern for the World Race and I asked the nerologist if he thought I could still go. He says, “We can make that happen without a doubt.”

 

I’ve been on the medication for a little over a week and I’ve been almost COMPLETELY symptom free. Whoah.

 

*Quick recap before I mention some of my after thoughts*

Fear 1. I have MS & life will never be the same (lol dramatic but true)

Fear 2. I won’t be able to go on the World Race

Fear 3. I won’t have any answers or a treatment plan

 

Reality 1. I don’t have MS

Reality 2. I WILL be going on the World Race

Reality 3. We found answers & condition appears to be very manageable with meds

 

Three HUGE answers to prayer

 

It’s so hard to explain the way I feel and the thoughts I have for this experience. It’s taken me a good long week to process. My writing skills could never accurately display how I’ve witnessed God’s hand at work in my life throughout these past 6 months… but I suppose the least I can do is try.

 

I could easily talk about how I’ve gained a WHOLE new appreciation for health. To never take a healthy day for granted because health is a beautiful gift from God. We often forget it’s a “gift” & we sometimes assume is our right….(especially as a young person).

 

I could also easily talk about how I’ve gained a whole new level of compassion for others struggling with things that don’t meet the eye. One of the hardest things about this experience for me was the fact that no one could physically see or understand what I was experiencing. Because all my symptoms were neurological, it was extremely complicated to explain & as a result, it made it difficult for others to understand and help when I needed it.

 

The list could go on and on about the things I’ve “learned” or at least started to gain a better understanding of, but my biggest take away is the idea of God CHOOSING to extend his grace on me….even though I didn’t deserve it. He chose to show his love for me through healing. He chose to prove his power to me by making an impossible situation possible. He chose to make himself known to me by answering prayer & literally MOVING mountains.

 

As I was texting a friend and sharing this whole crazy story with her, she said, “Allow this beautiful beautiful answer to prayer to fuel your fire for God that much more. Sometimes he doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want, but sometimes HE DOES….AND IT’S AMAZING.”

 

I know he is still a God of grace, love, & power regardless of the outcome, but the fact that he chose healing for me in this specific circumstance completely  overwhelms me with gratitude.

 

Anyway….

 

That’s my “not so brief” life update lol. It’s been a fun ride, but I’m thankful I’m finally over the hump haha!

 

If you actually made it to the end of this blog, thanks for sticking around lol. Again, the World Race is still on for January 2023 & YESSSS I’m still fundraising! I’ve reached about $10,000 & still have about $9,000 to go! It’s been incredible watching God provide. Feel free to reach out if that is something you want to be a part of 🙂

 

Ok this blog needs to end lol

 

peace out fam <3